My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine.
Superman got his powers when Chuck Norris sneezed on him.
Q: What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." Husband says: "Looks like he’s still fucking celebrating!!"
What do you call two niggers in a sleeping bag? Twix...
Advice for office managers: Keep the sexual harassment complaint forms in the bottom drawer. That way, when she goes to get one you'll get a great view of her arse.
Fly like a butterfly sting like a bee I slept with yo mama now it burns when I pee.
Early one morning a mother went to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "Buy why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school." "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
Two statisticians go bird hunting. The first one fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet. The second one fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet. They both give each other a high-five and say "Got it!"
Why do women need guys? Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.