Best jokes ever

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Vote:
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, men
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle. "That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.
Vote:
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: men
Two starving cannibals, a father and son, were out trying to get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came a little old man. The son said, "Oh Dad, there’s one." "No," said the father. "There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait." A little while later, along came a really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he’s big enough." "No," the father said. "We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We’ll just wait." About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman. The son said, "Now there’s nothing wrong with that one Dad, let’s eat her." "No," said the father. "Were not going to eat her either." "Why not?" asked the son. "Because, we’re going to take her back alive, and eat your mother."
Vote:
has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: kids
What do you call a person in china who doesn't eat dog? A tourist.
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, food, racist
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: black humor, easter, food, health
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, travel
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal
I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex
I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: hipster, music
Guilt is a dish best served by Mom.
Vote:
has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: family
<<<413414415416
More jokes →
Page 413 of 1428.