At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. "Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young man declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine. Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges. As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
A guy walks into an auto shop and says, "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA." The car mechanic thinks for a few seconds then says, "Ok, that seems like a fair trade."
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
Your momma so fat... She can't even fit in the chat room.
When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
Fast way to screw up someone's Knock Knock joke...? "It's open."
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
Q: How did the hail stone describe its life? A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.
I've just discovered a method for making wool out of milk. But doesn't that make the cow feel a little sheepish?