Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
One day in the city a bus driver was making his usual stops.
At the first stop a woman came to the front of the bus to get off.
She turned to the bus driver and said, "I think I was just molested back there."
The bus driver looked at her and said, "Not on my bus. You couldn't have been."
So, he lets her off and drives on.
He comes to the next stop and another woman comes to the front to get off.
She, too, looks at the bus driver and says, "I think I was just molested back there."
Now the bus driver thinks that something has to be wrong, to get two complaints like this in one day is just unheard of.
He gets up out of his seat and goes to the back of the bus.
To his surprise there is a bald guy crawling on the floor on his hands and knees.
The bus driver says, "Sir, what are you doing?"
The man looks at him and says, "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it twice, but I lost it again."
Vote:
Two best friends are lying on the beach and discussing:
"Last night I saw a terrible nightmare…"
"What did you see?"
"I saw my mother-in-law swimming in the sea and being chase by a shark…"
"Wow horror!"
"Horror?! You say nothing! She almost got away!"
Vote:
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot.
They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them.
So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206″:
Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but I didn’t stop."
I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don't blacks have dreams anymore?
The last one who had a dream got shot.
Vote:
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: Because she couldn't find the 11
What do you call a nigger with no arms, and no legs?
Trustworthy.
Vote:
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.