You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
Yo momma so fat she thought planet earth was her stomach.
We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
Q: What do you call the ashes of a white person in a jar? A: A jar of mayonnaise.
When Chuck Norris is in Rome, they do what he does.
A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room. "No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."
The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the womb.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
Q: How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They always use candles.
Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.