Best jokes ever

Yo mama is so fat, iPod converts into iPad, when she sits on it.
Vote:
has 66.43 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs. "That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there. "No," he said, "it's got teeth." "Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!" "Well, I'm not surprised," the man said. "Not with gums like that."
Vote:
has 66.43 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dirty
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their mustache, and suddenly she is not your friend anymore...
Vote:
has 66.43 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with Chuck Norris? A: Nothing. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
Vote:
has 66.43 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dinosaur
Q: Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes on them? A: So that when they come into port, they can Scandinavian.
Vote:
has 66.41 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, navy, war
There were three women sitting at a bar, talking about how loose they were. One woman said that her husband could fit his arm in up to his elbow. The next woman said her man could fit his leg in up to his knee. The last woman just slid over the bar stool.
Vote:
has 66.41 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, husband
A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live. "That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient. "Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."
Vote:
has 66.41 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, lawyer, marriage, time
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.
Vote:
has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, time, wife
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Vote:
has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, prison
Life may not be worth living, but what else can you do with it?
Vote:
has 66.38 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: life
<<<446447448449
More jokes →
Page 446 of 1428.