Best jokes ever

There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: death, family, funeral, kids, phone
Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.” “Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?” “Back to back.” “But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.” “Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, sex, wife
Q: What game does the brontosaurus like to play with humans? A: Squash.
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dinosaur, game, sport
A woman gave her two sons to different families for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and called Amal. The second child goes to Spain and is called Juan. Many years later, Juan sends his mother a photo of himself. She turns to her sister saying that she wished that she had a photo of her other son. The sister responded "Hey, they are identical twins. If you have seen Juan, you have seen Amal."
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, family
A road crew supervisor hired a nice-looking blonde woman to assist with painting the yellow line down the middle of the road. He was skeptical about hiring her, but she appeared enthusiastic and told him that she really needed the job. He explained to her that her work day would be to complete 2 miles of line on her road, and he set her up with her brushes and paint and got her started. After the first day, he was pleased to find that she did an excellent job and was able to paint 4 miles of road in her 8 hour shift. He told her that she did an excellent job and how pleased he was with her progress. On the second day, she completed painting 2 miles of road. Her supervisor was surprised that on day one she had completed twice as much work, but did not say anything, as 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure she would pick up her speed again. On day 3 he was shocked to learn that in her 8 hour shift, she only completed painting 1 mile of road. He called her into his office and asked her what was the problem, “On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. Can I ask you, what is the problem?” “Well, she replied, I keep getting farther and farther from the paint can.”
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has 66.16 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: blonde, time, women, work
Two policemen are walking the beat when one says, ‘When I get home, I’m going straight upstairs and tearing off the wife’s underwear.’ ‘Feelling randy?’ asks the other. ‘No,’ says the first. ‘The elastic is killing me.’
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has 66.15 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: sex
Knock knock! Who's there? Yah! Yah who? Naaah, bro, I prefer google.
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has 66.14 % from 350 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT, knock-knock
Teacher: “Suppose there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?” Boy: “None.” Teacher: “None? You don’t know your arithmetic!” Boy: “Teacher, you don’t know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!”
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has 66.13 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: school
Little Johnny was in his maths lesson one day when his teacher asked him a question to see if he was paying attention. "If I gave you 20," she began, "and you gave 5 to Mary, 5 to Sally and 5 to Susan, what would you have?" Johnny thought about this and then answered, "An orgy?"
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has 66.12 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
These two guys are riding in a convertible down a road in the desert, the road runs alongside a railroad as they are driving, as they are driving a train goes past, on the train a guy is on the train, clutching his stomach and grunting, his buddy leans over, and asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The guy replies, "I gotta shit real bad, and I can't reach the bathroom in time!" His buddy tells him "Hang your ass out the window, and let it fly." The guy hangs his ass out the window and the shi t flies back and hits the convertible. The guys in the convertible say "Damn, that guy on the train spit tobacco on us!" The guy asks his friend "Hey, pull over when the train stops and we'll find this guy and kick his ass". After he finishes talking the guy driving the car slows down. His friend says "Why are you slowing down, don't you wanna beat this guy up." His friend says "No!" The other guy says "Why". His friend says, "Number one, that is some of the stinkiest tobacco I've ever smelled, and number two, did you see the jaws on that son of a bitch!"
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: black humor, driving, friendship, travel, vulgar
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