Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Q: Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
A: Cause it got stuck in a crack.
"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot your wife, killing her."
"That's correct," says the defendant.
"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?" asked the prosecutor.
"It seemed easier," replied the defendant, "than shooting a different man every day!"
These two guys are riding in a convertible down a road in the desert, the road runs alongside a railroad as they are driving, as they are driving a train goes past, on the train a guy is on the train, clutching his stomach and grunting, his buddy leans over, and asks him,
"What the hell is wrong with you?"
The guy replies, "I gotta shit real bad, and I can't reach the bathroom in time!"
His buddy tells him "Hang your ass out the window, and let it fly."
The guy hangs his ass out the window and the shi t flies back and hits the convertible.
The guys in the convertible say "Damn, that guy on the train spit tobacco on us!"
The guy asks his friend "Hey, pull over when the train stops and we'll find this guy and kick his ass".
After he finishes talking the guy driving the car slows down.
His friend says "Why are you slowing down, don't you wanna beat this guy up."
His friend says "No!"
The other guy says "Why".
His friend says, "Number one, that is some of the stinkiest tobacco I've ever smelled, and number two, did you see the jaws on that son of a bitch!"
Vote:
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.
They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one.
They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.
The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out.
The dog didn't work.
No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands.
They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”
Q: What does an SEO and part-time chiropractor work on?
A: Your bad backlinks.
Remove the shower head and place a chicken bouillon cube in it, then put the head back on.
Vote:
Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
A: Jail.
Vote:
Your mama so old she sat next to Moses in the second grade.