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No matter how fast you run, Chuck Norris will always walk faster.
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Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? A: Bison.
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A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.
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A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
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If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
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A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
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One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France. Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!" Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!" Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy." Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."
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Why don't you play uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards
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Q: Why Do Blacks Hate Country? A: Every time they here Ho-Down They think someone shot their sister
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Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening windows.
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