If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
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Chuck Norris doesn't submit his own facts because Chuck Norris doesn't submit, period.
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To be roundhouse-kicked by Chuck Norris means getting his autograph.
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Every time you're sad, just remember that somewhere out there a tree grew for years and years, but was then destroyed and became material for a Justin Bieber notebook.
Chuck Norris destroyed the Lord of Rings. Twice.
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Remember the Leia scene from The Last Jedi?
That wasn't the force, it was Chuck Norris resurrecting Carrie Fischer.
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Chuck Norris once made an omelette from a Fabergé egg.
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Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.
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