Best jokes ever

A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.
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Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
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If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.
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Yo momma is so fat, that when NASA put her on the moon, her breasts were the only things bouncing... just like on earth.
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Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers the command line.
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Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
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Q: Why do blondes have "TGIF" on their shoes? A: "Toes go in first."
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Nations fight other nations but wouldn't have balls enough to go toe-to-toe with Chuck Norris. Remember Atlantis?
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Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War.
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A blonde's redhead decides to show her a neat way to trick people. You put your hand on a wall and ask someone to punch it. But before they do, you pull your hand away! "That is a neat trick," thinks the blonde, and tries desperately to remember it, but isn't all too successful. Despite this, she decides to try it out on her blonde friend. "Okay," she says, "I'm going to put my hand in front of my face..."
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