Best jokes ever

There was once a lady making a stew for dinner when she found she had no onions,so with no time to waste she raced to the shops, burst in saying could i have some onions please. The shopkeeper replied sorry lady we are fresh out of onions. The lady said but i really need onions and gave all the reasons why in one big sentence. The shopkeeper said look lady,I`ll put it to you another way and continued to ask her- if you take the o from tomato what do you have? The lady said tomat,Yes said the man and if you take the o from potato what do you have? The lady said potat. Yes said the man behind the counter,now if you take the fuck out of onions what do you have? "But there's no fuck in onions",said the lady,Yes said the man, That's what I have been trying to tell you!"
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has 66.09 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: dirty
An old couple decide to get married after years of courting. They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex. ‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée. ‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’ ‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom. ‘Was that one word or two?’
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has 66.09 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: sex
What do you call a bunch of mexicans getting stoned? Baked beans.
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has 66.08 % from 165 votes. More jokes about: racist
That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror.
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has 66.08 % from 139 votes. More jokes about: life, sex
A Liverpool docker went to South Africa for a job. The boss tells him, "Its people like you we want here. Here's a test. There's a revolver, go out and shoot 6 niggers and a rabbit." The docker asks, "Why do I have to shoot the rabbit?" He got the job.
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has 66.07 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: racist
What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman? The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.
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has 66.05 % from 396 votes. More jokes about: black people, geography, racist, women
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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has 66.04 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: catholic, christian, Chuck Norris, vulgar
Just the thought of using Chuck Norris in a war is considered a terrible crime against humanity.
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has 66.04 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, war
A mother without any pant was playing with her son. The boy pointing to her mother's pussy asked: "Mammy, what is that dark wooly between your feet? Mother: "My sweet that is a brush." Son: "Where is it's bundle?" Mother: "In your daddy's pant."
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has 66.04 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, kids, sex
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
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has 66.03 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids, sex
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