I dropped my laptop into the ocean the other day. Now I have a Dell rolling in the deep.
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. Wife: 'What are you doing dear?' Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females' Wife: 'How on earth do you know which gender they were?' Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone.'
A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class, was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office; he was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did, and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom," she screamed. "I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she’d come and pick me up from school."
Yo mama's so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
Why do people say 'Grow some balls?' Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
Q: "What is the difference between like and love?" A: "Spit and swallow."
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples? It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.