Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her vibrator went soft.
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn't give a hoot!
Vote:
How to Impress a Woman:
compliment her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
listen to her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to Impress a Man:
show up naked,
bring beer.
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.
Surprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?
The blonde girlfriend replied all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'
A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!"
The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"
What did Adam say to Eve?
‘Stand back!
I don’t know how big this thing gets!’
This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession.
The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider.
"Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans.
So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!"
"It's gets worse Father," continued the elderly fellow, "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors."
The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk.
You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her.
I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly."
"Thank you Father," said the old man.
"That's a load off my mind!
Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"
What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Damn, I burnt one."