Best jokes ever

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: cop, prison, wife, work
Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, life
Two hunters are out in the wood when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator:"My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies:"Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter seys,"Ok, now what?"
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Q: Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? A: Cause it got stuck in a crack.
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: life
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one. The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion, “Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!”
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid: "Is your mom at home?" "Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared. "And your father?" "No, he has hidden away as well..."
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, teacher
Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: life
Yo momma so poor when I walked through her front door I was already out the back door.
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Either the woman at the back of the train has two really ugly children, or two seriously cool Pokémons.
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: kids, ugly, women
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Vote:
has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: kids
<<<463464465466
More jokes →
Page 463 of 1427.