A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? A: The taste
How can you know a lawyer is lying? When he moves his lips.
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman? The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.
Chuck Norris doesnt walk, the earth moves under his feet.
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Q: Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired? A: Because he couldn't keep his calves together!
Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde that had a problem with her bed? A: She couldn't find a knife large enough to apply the bed spread.