Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
Q: Why did the computer go to the dentist? A: Because it had Bluetooth.
A blonde pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died. After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly. "What's the story?" she asked. "Just crap in the carburator," the mechanic replied. "How often do I have to do that?" asked the blonde.
Chuck never auditioned for Walker Texas Ranger, a camera crew turned up at his house and secretly filmed him.
Only Chuck Norris can tell you the answer to your question before you ask it.
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. ''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.'' ''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
Teaching an English lesson, the teacher wrote on the board, fully aware of the grammar errors: "I ain't had no fun in months" "Now, how should I correct this sentence." "Get a new boyfriend," said Little Johnny.
Q: Why should you be more afraid of a white guy in jail than a black guy? A: You know the white guy actually committed the crime.