Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking."
Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
Your momma is so fat that her measurements are 26-34-28, and her other arm is just as big!
Find a sleeping person, fill their hand with shaving cream and then tickle their nose.
Vote:
Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause and reflect on what it was they did before they were married: anything they wanted to.
Vote:
"Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, a cute, strong and clever one."
"What's the name?"
"John, Michael and Bill."
Vote:
You know the movie, Alien VS Predator?
Well it used to be called Alien VS Predator VS Chuck Norris, but no body would pay to see a fight 7 seconds long.
Vote:
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
Your momma is just like a shotgun, give her a cock and she blows.
One step forward, 12 floors down.
Vote: