The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.
Why do ghetto people always name their kids things they cant afford like Diamond, Mercedes, Car Insurance?
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
All wars stopped when Chuck Norris said, "Can I apply for the army?"
When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
What’s the difference between ‘Oooh!’ and ‘Aaah!’? About three inches.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends how hard you throw them.
Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? A: The taste
How can you know a lawyer is lying? When he moves his lips.