Best jokes ever

Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?" Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."

If Chuck Norris replaced Roy Scheider, the movie would have been known as Broken Jaws, and would have only lasted 12 minutes.

Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store? A: Somebody told him he was ripped!

Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight. A black eye, and a swollen lip.

Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.

Chuck Norris once raced light. He is still waiting for it to catch up.

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

Only Chuck Norris can cross the "Beyond" section of Bed, Bath and Beyond store.

The only thing written on Chuck Norris' passport is "It's me".