George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.
The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes.
When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.
When she’s finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.
When he’s finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge and feel free to call the USA anytime.
Putin goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free.
The devil replied, "Since Obama became president of the USA, the country has gone to hell, so it’s a local call."
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt!
So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.
A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss."
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge.
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery.
As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg.
He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"
"No, you don't understand!" she replies.
"I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
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A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee.
The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child?
A: Because dad can’t keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them.
Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist.
They are starving and don't have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore.
The engineer says: "Let's hit the can with a rock until it opens."
The biologist has another idea: "No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job."
Finally, the economist says: "Let's assume that we have a can opener".
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The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking!
There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous! "
The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before.
This is Air Force One..."
Employee: "Hi welcome to McDonald's what can I get you today."
Little Johnny: "Can I get some McWater, A McNumber10, and a McCoke."
Employee: "Sir you know you don't have to put Mc in front of anything you order."
Little Johnny: "Ok I just really like Donald's."
Employee: "Sir its McDonald's."
Little Johnny: "Ma'am you don't have to put Mc in front of everything."
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Joke has 64.21 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food, little Johnny
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
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Your momma is just like a shotgun, give her a cock and she blows.