When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.
Water gets Chuck Norris.
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Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society.
Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests.
The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people.
Host: Who have you brought along?
Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost.
A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people.
Host: Who have you bought along?
DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants.
A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own.
Host: Why haven't you brought anyone?
SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan.
20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess.
Host: Where have you been MySQL?
MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart.
So everybody takes a big whiff.
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, she asked if her drug test was multiple choice.
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top.
"Och, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
Before America can declare war, congress has to ask Chuck Norris.
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When the fire department catches fire, they call Chuck Norris.
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Q: What's long and thin and covered with skin and nobody knows how many holes its been in.
A: A worm.
Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A: With a knife.
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