Best jokes ever

A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and all the people were amazed. At the 2nd try she answers "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1953" and they were once again amazed. Then the drunk pisses in a glass and hands it to her. She tries it and says "Yak, this tastes like piss!" And the drunk says, "Yeah, but what year was I born?"
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More jokes about: alcohol, disgusting, drunk, wine, women
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days." Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
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Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life. When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fitness, life
Chuck Norris is so powerful he can jumpstart a car by attaching the cables to his chest hair.
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Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves. In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.
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More jokes about: life, science
Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day. It was great fun, we blew up a bouncy castle and then had a really intense game of pass the parcel.
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“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, history
When you insult Chuck Norris, the next thing you are going to see is a bunch of halos.
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The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, life