Chuck Norris didn't grow a beard, a beard grew Chuck Norris.
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How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
They're hiring.
Chuck Norris doesn't need money he gets everything for free.
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Chuck Norris reached level 51 on Oblivion.
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Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
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Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
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As someone died, Saint. Peter gave him a tour to the new place.
While wandering he sees an old familiar guy who was accompanied by a very ugly woman.
He asks Saint Peter: "But how does the man walks around with a woman like that when he spent his life with the most beautiful women?"
"Oh my child, he killed a pigeon when he was alive and now he is being punished."
They walk further down, and meets another friend with a frighteningly ugly women.
"Holy God but he was circulated only by models when he was alive, how come he withstands this now?"
"O my child that man killed two pigeons when he was alive."
They continued wandering and suddenly he sees someone who was so ugly and stupid and never had any woman when he lived.
But he was accompanied by THE WOMAN!
Extra tall and hotty.
The man lost his mind.
"Holy God, but such an ugly face with such a gorgeous woman?"
"Yes my son, but this hotty burned the whole pigeon house, when she was alive!"
Yo mama is so stupid, I said it was going to be chili out and she grabbed a bowl and a spoon.