Lightening is too slow to strike Chuck Norris.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Dude, the light bulb was cooler before it changed.
I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine. But I need a line to end it.
Everytime a star explodes, it's because one of Chuck Norris's victims just landed there after being round-house kicked.
When Chuck Norris eats dinner at a restaurant, the wait staff tips him.
Most kids pee their name into snow... Chuck Norris pisses his in concreate...
I got a tattoo of Chuck Norris on my own leg... now it won't stop roundhouse kicking me in the face.
When cops pull Chuck Norris over, THEY try to talk THEIR way out of it.
Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.
Cow: "Why don't you shoo those flies?" Bull: "I ll let them go barefoot!"