Best jokes ever

Why do ghetto people always name their kids things they cant afford like Diamond, Mercedes, Car Insurance?
Vote: has 66.68 % from 98 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, car, kids, racist
There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
Vote: has 66.68 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, military, sex
How do you hide a nigger in a coal shed? Kick his teeth in.
Vote: has 66.68 % from 67 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, racist
Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means? Father: It means 'to be happy'. Son: Are you gay? Father: No, son. I have a wife.
Vote: has 66.65 % from 204 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, wife
A guy had a date with this really hot blonde. He wanted a tan, so he went up on his roof and stripped because he didn't want a tan line. But he fell asleep and woke up three hours later with a sunburn, especially on his d**k. He puts lotion on it, wraps it up and gets ready for his date. The blonde comes over, they make dinner and are watching a movie when the sunburn on the guy's d**k really starts to hurt. So he excuses himself to the kitchen, where he pours milk on his d**k to alleviate the burn. The blonde, who has followed him, peeks in the kitchen and says to herself, "So that's how they load them."
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
Yo mama's so poor when I went to her house and asked to use the bathroom, she said "Two trees to your left."
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama
What do you call a mexican who's lost his car? Carlos.
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, mexican, racist
Black Jesus turns water into Kool-Aid.
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist
Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over. To try and keep quiet, they devise a code. His girlfriend will say "tomato" if she wants him to go slower and "lettuce" for him to go faster. As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "Lettuce, lettuce, tomato, tomato!" The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night. You got mayonnaise in my eye!"
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
There were these two guys working late in a morgue, when one guy said, “Hey man there is a woman in there with a shrimp in her vagina!” The other asked, “What is a shrimp doing a dead woman's vagina? Let me go see.” Both of them went in the room with the woman, and they both curiosly looked. Finally, the second man said, “You idiot, this ain't no shrimp it's a clitoris.” And the other man replied, “Well, it tasted like shrimp to me.”
Vote: has 66.64 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty