Chuck Norris won the gold, silver and bronze medals at the Olympics. In the same event. From home.
When Chuck Norris says "Jump", you don't say, "How high?" - you say, "When do I come down?"
Chuck Norris doesn't make typos. Words simply stutter in his presence.
A Klondike bar would do anything for a Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris Doesn't breakdance. He breaks dance
Chuck Norris looks at IEDs and the trigger man blows up.
T. S. Eliot measured out his life with coffee spoons. Chuck Norris uses a backhoe.
Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.
Chuck Norris can stick his hand inside a rabbit's mouth and pull out a HAT!
It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!" The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked. Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten." And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"