Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day. "You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss. "That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, it sounds like Velcro when she takes her panties off.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn't have the guts!
What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
yo mama so fat, when she dive into the ocean, there is a tsunami warning out!
What happened when the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny.
Why did Bossy slug Roy Rogers? She heard he was a cowpuncher-