Chuck Norris can tap dance though a mine field... wearing clown shoes.
Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
Chuck Norris can empty a swimming pool with a fork... while it's raining.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Spider-man can crawl on walls and ceilings, Chuck Norris can crawl on water.
Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages, including sign language.
The actual definition of U.F.O is Chuck Norris's Toy Frisbee.
Lehman Brothers owed Chuck Norris a fiver. When he asked for payback, well, you know the rest.
Chuck Norris plays Scrabble with numbers. And wins.
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.