Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A: A bad golfer goes *Whack!* "Darn!", but a bad skydiver goes "Darn!" *WHACK!*
Q: What travels at 200km's a hour? A: A Mexican hearing a dollar drop to the ground.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, "How is this possible?" The guy says,"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
Yo momma so FAT, she can't save files bigger than 4 GB.
So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
Yo mama's so fat the only alphabet she knows is her KFCs.
Q: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? A: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
Roses are red lemons are sour. Open your legs and give me an hour.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Actually, it's kangaroo!