A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
Yo' Mama is so old, she dreams in black and white.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
Yo Momma is so hairy, that Bigfoot tried to take her picture!
Q: 0 is false and 1 is true, right? A: 1.
Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend on the wall? A: To see her crack.
Yo momma is so poor she ran after a trash can truck with her shoping list.
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal? A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: What’s the definition of a pessimist? A: A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.