Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three.
One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers.
Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.
"Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis.
"I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce.
"I'll play him."
"And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg.
"Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly.
"And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
Q: What game do tornadoes like to play?
A: Twister.
Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class?
A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
What a cannibal say to its victim? Nice to meat you.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a naked deer?
A: Buck naked!
Our body cells renew while asleep.
If only our wallets could do the same.
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and one watches cells.
Yo mama is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.