Best jokes ever

Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
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More jokes about: animal, dirty
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."
Vote: has 63.62 % from 603 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, marriage, wife
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..." The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
Vote: has 63.61 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, car
What's the difference between Batman and a Black man? Batman can go to the store without robin.
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More jokes about: black people, celebrity, racist
Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ? A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
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More jokes about: black humor, god, religious
Lady: Is this my train? Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company. Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi. Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.
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More jokes about: travel, women
Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Vote: has 63.54 % from 449 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
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More jokes about: husband, marriage, time, wife
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common? A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, women
Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.” “Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?” “Back to back.” “But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.” “Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
Vote: has 63.51 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, love, sex, wife