Best jokes ever

Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."
Vote:
has 60.75 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: military
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
Vote:
has 60.75 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: What's long and black and smells like shit? A: The welfare line.
Vote:
has 60.75 % from 194 votes. More jokes about: racist
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground." So the crocodile bit his legs off.
Vote:
has 60.73 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Yo mamma so small she uses a Dorito for a hang lider.
Vote:
has 60.73 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: food, sport, Yo mama
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing." Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!" Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
Vote:
has 60.73 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, football, hospital, sport, work
Chuck Norris can make a dog bark the alphabet, in spanish, backwards.
Vote:
has 60.73 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler. He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted "Hi Hitler" and gave him a little wave.
Vote:
has 60.73 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Hitler
Chuck Norris can play the saxophone... while holding his breath.
Vote:
has 60.72 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
has 60.72 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
<<<594595596597
More jokes →
Page 594 of 1429.