Best jokes ever

I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.
Vote:
has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: fitness, flirt, gym, sport
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
Vote:
has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: What exercise do Hairdressers do in the gym? A: Curls.
Vote:
has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Vote:
has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: communication, men, political, women
My wife and I had been debating whether it was time to start a family when we saw a couple of cute kids, splashing and giggling in a paddling pool. I looked at her and said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" She smiled and said, "Yes, Gary..." "That settles it, then," I replied. "We can't raise children if we're both paedos."
Vote:
has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: black humor
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
Vote:
has 61.50 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, fish
One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa." Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation. One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy." This nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he appologised to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today." "You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
Vote:
has 61.48 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: dad, god, marriage, work
Dreams about Chuck Norris are in 4D.
Vote:
has 61.48 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
In the late 80's When Michael Jackson first met Chuck Norris he turned white.
Vote:
has 61.44 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: age, Chuck Norris, music
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
Vote:
has 61.43 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
<<<594595596597
More jokes →
Page 594 of 1427.