While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes.
"Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them.
Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.
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Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like...
Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with 3 Playboy Playmates
A: Hugh Hefner.
Yo momma so fat that when she was seated in the last row, the plane couldn't get off the ground.
Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
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Which big cat should you never play cards with?
A cheetah.
Chuck Norris can pop every kernel in the bag without burning one.
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Q: How many Apple Iphone 6 early adopters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3001. 1 to do the work and 3000 to go online and bitch about the lack of obscure features!
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A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.