Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
Vote:
While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes.
"Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them.
Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.
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Taylor swift: so he calls me up and he's all like "I still love you" and I'm like...
Wait, is this Connor, Patrick, Joe, Luca, Taylor, John, Cory, Toby, Jake, Garret, Eddie, or Harry?
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
Overheard in a restaurant:
She: "This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste."
He: "Are you describing the wine or your mother?"
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My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive.
I kinda got it.
You don't invite Chuck Norris.
He invites himself.
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Yo' Mama is so nasty, her farts are classified as biological weapons.
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
Which big cat should you never play cards with?
A cheetah.