Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with 3 Playboy Playmates
A: Hugh Hefner.
Yo momma so fat that when she was seated in the last row, the plane couldn't get off the ground.
Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
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You don't invite Chuck Norris.
He invites himself.
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A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile.
The crocodile told him, "Please let me go.
I'll grant you any wish you desire."
The man said, "Okay.
I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.
Yo mamma so small she uses a Dorito for a hang lider.
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
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