Anybody can outdo the impossible, but nobody can outdo Chuck Norris.
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The lawyer’s motto:
a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery.
When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?”
Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me.
However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
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Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.
Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.
Chuck Norris sprinted 2 marathons - backwards.
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Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut.
After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marley's head.
"How you like it?" asked the barber.
"Real fine," said the redneck. "But how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?"
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare.