Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
What did Zimbabweans have before candles?
Electricity.
I went to the seaside yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign which said "Lobster tails £1".
I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."
Chuck Norris can set magnifying glasses on fire...using ants.
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A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals.
So he went to every house in his town.
To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse.
To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.
He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening.
"Who's the boss around here?" he asked.
"I am." said the man.
"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?"
The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one."
"No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.
"Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
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Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
You don't invite Chuck Norris.
He invites himself.
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Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with 3 Playboy Playmates
A: Hugh Hefner.
Yo momma so fat that when she was seated in the last row, the plane couldn't get off the ground.
Five liters of bean soup for dinner – let´s spend the night with the gas mask!
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