A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff. A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on. They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation. The redhead goes first. She jumps and says "eagle!". She turns into an eagle and flies away. The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away. The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
So an old man, a Catholic priest, and a pedophile walk into a bar, and that's just one person!
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.
Chuck Norris once walked in the opposite direction in the Running of the Bulls. The bulls turned around and ran for their lives.
Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother." Santa - "Send me your mother."
Knock knock. Who's there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.
Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast? A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
Q: Why did Daft Punk spend the night with a Leprechaun? A: He was "Up all night to get lucky"
Roses are red, violets are blue. Pornhub is Down, your mums Facebook will do.