Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile.
The crocodile told him, "Please let me go.
I'll grant you any wish you desire."
The man said, "Okay.
I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.
Yo mamma so small she uses a Dorito for a hang lider.
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said ‘Sorry, no professionals.’
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by?
The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"