A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away. "Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank" says the shepherd. "You are exactly right!" responds the man, "but tell me, how did you deduce that?" "Well," says the shepherd, "put down the dog and I will tell you."
Anybody can outdo the impossible, but nobody can outdo Chuck Norris.
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
One afternoon I was walking on a trail with my baby daughter, chatting to her about the scenery. When a man and his dog approached, I leaned down to the carriage and said, “See the doggy?” Suddenly I felt foolish talking to my baby as if she understood me. However, just as the man passed, he reached down, patted his dog, and said, “See the baby?”
When Chuck Norris tries to kill himself, he always dodges the killing blow 'cause he's that awesome.
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.
Why was the cannibal expelled from school? Because he kept buttering up the teacher.
Chuck Norris sprinted 2 marathons - backwards.
Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut. After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marley's head. "How you like it?" asked the barber. "Real fine," said the redneck. "But how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?"