A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir!
I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile.
The crocodile told him, "Please let me go.
I'll grant you any wish you desire."
The man said, "Okay.
I wish my balls could touch the ground."
So the crocodile bit his legs off.
Yo mamma so small she uses a Dorito for a hang lider.
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?
A. Goes-in-tight!
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
Why are black people so tall?
Because their knee-grows.
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said ‘Sorry, no professionals.’