Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said ‘Sorry, no professionals.’
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by?
The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital.
A senior consultant had to pull them apart.
"What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.
"It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one.
"He's only got 2 days to live."
"He had to be told." said the second doctor.
"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"
A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid:
"Is your mom at home?"
"Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared.
"And your father?"
"No, he has hidden away as well..."