Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Vote:
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said ‘Sorry, no professionals.’
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by?
The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
Zero.
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she picks a booger, she yells, "Clap your hands and stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got meat!"
If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.
Vote:
Q: What do pirates wear in the winter?
A: Long Johns!