Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Maths is like s*x... ADD the bed MINUS the clothes DIVIDE the legs and pray you don't MULTIPLY.
A Black man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical black baby boy weighing 20 pounds." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say, you're the proud father of an amazing black baby who weighed 20 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20 pounds at birth?" The father drank the bottle of whisky at one go, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and said, "Had him circumcised."
Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
Hipsters wear jackets in the summer, before it's cool.
"Walker Texas Ranger: The Movie 3-D" was considered by Warner Brothers; however the technology to create the visual effects will never be possible.
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger! Beware of Dog’. He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor. ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper. ‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper. ‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’