That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.
Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.
Yo momma's so fat... To her light food means under 4 Tons.
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, “STOP! Acts 2:38!” (”Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.”) As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked, “Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse.” “Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”
Yo mama so fat she don't take pictures, she takes posters.
Q: What do you call a pot of angry water? A: Boiling mad.
Yo mama is so short you can see her feet on her passport picture.
Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour? A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
COP: "When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." LADY: "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old.”