Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Knock Knock Who's there? Muffikin Muffikin who? Muffikin fingers are trapped in the door.
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
Black Jesus turns water into Kool-Aid.
When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
Why does Chuck Norris have a beard? A better question is what will he do to you if you ask him?
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C!
Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo' mama so stupid, she thought the Blizzard of '96 was a new item at Dairy Queen!