Best jokes ever

“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
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The AC/DC song "Highway to Hell" is about Chuck Norris' driveway.
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Yo mama so poor the i saw her rolling a can and said what are you doing she said moving!
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Chuck Norris won a soccer game. He was the referee.
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A businessman is invited for an audience with the Pope but finds it clashes with a meeting he has with Bill Gates. The businessman asks his secretary which appointment he should go to. ‘Definitely the Pope,’ replies the secretary. ‘He’ll only expect you to kiss his hand.’
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Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? A: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
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Lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a tool is missing, he goes to elephant and asks "Have you seen my tool?" Elephant replies: "What does it look like?" Lion: "Well it's got four points on it." Elephant: "Sorry, I haven't seen it, try mouse." So the Lion goes to the mouse and asks "Have you seen my tool?" Mouse: "What does it look like?" Lion: "Well it's got four points on it." Mouse: "Sorry mate, I've not seen it, try croc." So the lion proceeds to the crocodile and asks "Have you seen my tool?" Croc: "What does it look like?" Lion: "Well it's got four points on it." Croc: "Sorry I've not seen it, try Jaguar." So the lion goes to Jaguar and asks "Have you seen my tool?" Jaguar: "Of course, I ate it." Lion: "Why did you do that?" Jaguar: "Well I'm a four point tool eater Jaguar."
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Q:What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A:Santa stops after three hos.
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If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.
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Atlas doesn't drop the earth because he knows Chuck Norris lives in it.
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