Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.
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Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex?
They're called "Predickamints".
What's worse than 11 dead babies stapled to a tree?
1 dead baby stapled to 11 trees.
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In school, we had to do a skit demonstrating key concepts of the English language.
My skit on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.
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Yo mama nose is so big she could smell what the rock was cooking before he started cooking.
Q: What is a Democratic Free Market?
A: One that hands out slices of cheese.
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
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Two flies sit on a pile of poop.
One fly passes gas.
The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Opportunity!
That is impossible. Opportunity doesn't come knocking twice!
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The policeman tells Johny at the police station following:
"The thief who wanted to steal your wallet has got: a broken nose, three broken ribs, a concussion of the brain and he misses a bunch of his hair at the back of his head."Please, tell me Johny, how much money did you have in your wallet?"
Johny: "Only three euros."
The policeman: "Goodness! I suppose that if you would have ten euros in your wallet, the thief would probably not survive your self-defense-trial."
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