Hitler: I asked for a glass of juice, not gas the Jews!
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Got my wife a dildo and some shoes for her birthday.
If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.
Transformers are just another name for Chuck Norris' grade 5 science project.
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Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?"
Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
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Q:Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
A:Because you can't drink and derive...
How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
By sitting down before the last guy gets up.
What's worse than 11 dead babies stapled to a tree?
1 dead baby stapled to 11 trees.
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Chuck Norris can speak Japanese... in French.
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If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
A father has three daughters that are all getting married on the same day.
He asks his oldest daughter, ''Who do you wish to marry?
She says, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with three dragons on his chest.''
He walks over to his second daughter and asks her the same question.
She replies, ''Father, I wish to marry the man with two dragons on his chest.''
He then goes to his youngest daughter and asks her the same thing:
''Who do you wish to marry?''
She replies, ''I wish to marry the man with one draggin' on the floor!''