Chuck Norris does not need deodorant because sweat instantly runs away.
Vote:
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
A young lad is sitting at the table doing his homework.
Dad, he says, "What is the difference between 'potentially' & 'realistically'"?
Father scratches his chin, inhales sharply and says,"That's a tough one; it's probably easier to demonstrate.
Go & ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for 1 million quid; then ask your sister the same question"
... 2 minutes later, the lad is back. "Dad, they both said for 1 million quid...? Definitely!"
Well son, says the old man, "There is your answer; potentially, we are sitting on 2 million quid; realistically, we are living with a pair of slags..!
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
My son asked me today, "Dad, what music did you like growing up?"
"Led Zeppelin," I replied.
"Who?" he said.
"Yeah, I liked them too."
Q: What did the prositutes knee say to the other?
A: Nothing. They have never met.
Q: Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A: Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina.
So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
Vote:
I've accepted every email offer I've ever received.
My penis is now 235 feet long.
Vote:
An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.
The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands.
The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said.
In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak”.
The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, ” In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands …! ”