Why did the blonde go to KFC? She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99.
What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
A blonde takes her typewriter to the doctor. "Doc, I'm afraid my typewriter is pregnant." The doctor asks, "Why in the world would you think that?" She says, "Because it's started missing its period."
Too stupid to understand science? Try religion!
Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant. We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always together." My wife has asked me: "Oh, darling, these words were addressed to me?" I have said only: "Oh, no, sorry, darling, this time I am talking to this bottle of beer."
Chuck Norris is cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Chuck Norris made the llama extinct. Never spit in his face.
Chuck Norris sank the Titanic on a late afternoon swim.
Will I ever be able to race my horse again the owner asked the vet. The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you ll probably beat her too!"