Old Farmer Peter was dying.
The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Peter: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Peter: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"
An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U.S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.
The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands.
The U.S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said.
In the U.S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak”.
The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, ” In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands …! ”
He came into my room late at night.
He sat over my body, He sucked, swallowed and he left.
It was terrible.
It was a BLOODY MOSQUITO!
A man returns home and find his wife with his best friend.
He takes out the gun and shoots his friend to death.
His wife: "Listen, if you stay in such character, you will lose all your friends."
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When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
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How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar?
Both their balls are decoration only.
Q: Why are there more black folk then Indians?
A: Because we haven't played Cowboys and Black folk yet!
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I hope the next ridiculously popular Facebook trend is shutting the fuck up.
Chuck Norris believes in victim's rights.
His victims have the right to dig their own graves before he kills them.
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What did the light bulb say to the switch?
You turn me on.
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