Do you know the joke of "no me neither"? No. Me neither.
The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Why did the blonde go to KFC? She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99.
Chuck Norris wears boots to protect the Earth from his feet.
Do you know what would be sick? If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner. Do you know what would be even worse? If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
A blonde takes her typewriter to the doctor. "Doc, I'm afraid my typewriter is pregnant." The doctor asks, "Why in the world would you think that?" She says, "Because it's started missing its period."
Chuck Norris is cooler than the other side of the pillow.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
I got a tattoo of Chuck Norris on my own leg... now it won't stop roundhouse kicking me in the face.
Yo' daddy's so ugly, when he looked out the window he was arrested for mooning!