Chuck Norris can strike the same lightning twice.
There is a way to kill Chuck Norris, it is...
Sorry, the person typing this just had his head bashed in by a roundhouse kick.
Yo mama is so fat, it says to be continued, when she gets on a weighing-machine.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
A blonde was trying to sell her old car.
She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I can only sell the car.”
“Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will ‘fix it’. Then you shouldn’t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?”
“No,” replied the blonde, “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”
Q:What's the hardest thing about learning to play tennis?
A:Telling your parents that your gay!
Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico.
They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them.
As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river.
One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light."
The other said: "What do you think I am, stupid!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel so well.
Father: Where does it hurt?
Son: In school.
Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: "Wrap" music!
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.