Best jokes ever

An young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. After sex the girl said, "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'am actually a hooker, and I charge $100 for what we just did." The man retorted, "And I should have mentioned this before, but I'am actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $200."

Chuck Norris believes in victim's rights. His victims have the right to dig their own graves before he kills them.

Chuck Norris can speak Japanese... in French.

A husband feeling a bit horny goes to the bathroom and returns with 4 aspirin and a glass of water for his wife. He says, "Here honey, here are some aspirin and a some water." She replied, "but honey I do not have a headache!" He replied, "Thank God!"

Guy comes up the hill, look up to the sky and yells, "God, I want to hear your opinion! Is Facebook harmful?" And response from heaven, "A moment, I just finish this status.."

A large cruise ship strikes an iceberg and slowly begins to sink. The captain declares he is going to need to remove some weight from the boat or it will surely sink. He says to be fair, and not discriminate, we will have to call out people in alphabetical order to jump off the ship. Everyone agrees this is the only fair way. The captain then declares "All African Americans, jump overboard!" A niglet tells his dad"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "No sons, dats not be quiet" The captain comes back and says "unfortunately, we haven't lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all black people to jump overboard." The niglet tells his dad again"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "No sons, dats not be quiet" The captain comes back and says "unfortunately, we still haven't lost enough weight yet. I will have to ask all colored people to jump overboard." The niglet tells his dad again"Oh noes, dat be us". His nigger dad says "I said shut up son, we be niggers today!"

A married couple has invoked the ghosts, after 15 minutes of invoking has appeared only the face of the grandmother of the man. The married couple has asked the grandmother together: "What would you like to tell us dear granny? " The granny has said: "I am looking forward to seeing you soon. Have a nice day!"

Yo mama teeth are so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.

How do you get a baby to run faster? Chase it with the lawn mower.

One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."