Yo' Mama is so stupid, she took a ladder to a Giants game.
An FBI agent was interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?" asks the agent. "Yes," replied the teller. "He was better dressed each time."
Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors? A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.
How do you go about hiring a horse? Try two pairs of stilts!
Do you remember how everyone was trying to kill Osama Bin Laden? Well, since all of our presidents seem to get shot, why we just didn't make Bin Laden president.
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.
Yo mamma so ugly when she was walking to the bank. They turned of the security cameras.
You know "The Matrix" that was Chuck Norris' very first dream.
Mike, to a blonde at the bar: "It's rude to interrupt a man when he's talking to his wife." Sara: "Wife?" Mike: "I'm working on it." Sara: "You're awful sure of yourself." Mike: "You too."
If Chuck Norris drinks too much, he doesn't throw up, he throws down!