Chuck Norris rubs two pieces of fire together to make wood.
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When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.
Water gets Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris didn't survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.
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Chuck gives the sun the chills.
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Chuck Norris doesn't push someone out of the way of a car, he pushes the car out of the way of the person.
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The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
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Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it.
Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar.
The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically.
"That's amazing," said the bartender.
"Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings."
"Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back."
So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby.
"Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris.
It was more "humane".
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Once you pop, you just can't stop.
Unless you're Chuck Norris.
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Just announced that they are changing all the days of the week to Chuckdays.
Happy Chuckday everyone!
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