Chuck Norris once stitched up a cut in his arm with a spoon.
Chuck Norris can punch your thoughts and give you a headache.
Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
Chuck Norris uses gasoline as aftershave just for the pleasant tingling sensation.
Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
Depending on the circumstances, Chuck Norris will decide whether or not his farts will stink. If he chooses to have them stink, he will then also determine the appropriate percentage level of rankness delivered based on the demographics of the attending audience.
There will never be a zombie apocalypse, because when Chuck Norris bites zombies, they turn back into humans.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor.
James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.