Chuck Norris will chuck you in the norris!
Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love. The first woman said, “My husband is a psychologist, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that.” The second woman proclaimed, “My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, but really tunes my engine; I like that!” The third woman replied, “Well my husband works for Microsoft and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it’s going to be, when I finally get it…”
It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
Chuck Norris doesn't die...he just sleep in the ground for a little bit.
What gives milk and has a horn? A milk tank.
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
Yo mama is so dumb she stuck a battery up her butt and said, "I got energy!"
Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.
Time travel is possible. But you must first get past Chuck Norris...
One day a miserable toothbrush sits down and says, "Sometimes I feel I have the worst job in the world." Then the toilet paper yells, "Think again buddy!"