What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?
He had him newt-ered.
What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn?
A Moles Royce.
What are the most athletic rodents?
Track and field mice.
Mama bear to Papa bear: "Well... You might call it hibernating — I call it goofing off ."
Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites?
They take a gallop poll!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
A third old woman, full of happiness, asks her granddaughter; "My sweety, remind me please.. What’s the name of that German guy that blew my mind off...?"
"Alzheimer, granny!"
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Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead?
A: Depth perception.
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How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
When the cake jumps out of the girl!
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