Golfer: "I'd move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven; you've already moved most of the earth."
For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars.
Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?"
"Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy.
"Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father.
"Yew should 'av bought yourself a rifle!"
"A rifle? What fer?"
"Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck.
"W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like?
Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
E only equals MC² because Chuck Norris allows it too.
Vote:
Yo mama is so dumb she makes u look like a genius.
Q: How is Yo' Mama like the New York Jets?
A: You give them a quarter, and they'll let you score.
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
Yo momma’s so ugly, yo daddy takes her to work just so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, she can only grow hair on her nuts.