One night, a lady with a black eye stumbled into the police station.
She told the desk sergeant that she had heard a noise in her back yard and gone to investigate.
The next thing she knew, she was hit in the face and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a few minutes later, also with a black eye.
‘Did you get hit by the same attacker?’ his captain asked.
‘No, sir,’ he replied. ‘I stepped on the same rake.’
How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Vote:
‘My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.”
So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money.
It was my grandfather.’
My wife asked if I would give it to her "doggy style."
So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes.
"Have you heard about the object-oriented way to become wealthy?"
"No..."
"Inheritance."
Yo Mama so old...
She sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade.
Your momma so fat...
When she crosses the street, cars look out for yo momma.
An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars.
Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper.
'Alec !' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing.
Why?'
'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do !'
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.