Two halves make a whole. Two wholes make Chuck Norris.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thinks her binoculars are opera glasses.
Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him. Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case. ‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’ ‘Why?’ asks the judge. ‘He won your acquittal. Why do you want to have him arrested?’ Jerry replies, ‘I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so the bastard went and took the car I stole.’
Without you I can't breath. I love you so much my nose.
Why are cows made for dancing? They re all born hoofers.
What happened when the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny.
It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
What gives milk and has a horn? A milk tank.
First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory.
Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.