Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate? A: She changed her name to JKM345.
What do you call a bent iPhone 6 plus? A dead wringer.
Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly... On a broomstick. We're flexible like that.
Yo mamma so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass.
Yo mama so fat that she could use a bra as a parachute
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a subway she mistook the train for a sandwich and ate it.
What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.
An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!" The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."