Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don't feel so well. Father: Where does it hurt? Son: In school.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense? "Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say ‘Hello'."
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.
Which Women's Day gift would you like? To determine your personality, pick the gift you'd most like to receive! 1. Candy 2. Flowers 3. A sweet poem 4. Dinner/Dancing 5. Waffle iron 1. CANDY It means that... You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share. OR... You're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything, even true love. 2. FLOWERS It means that... You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture. OR... You get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die. 3. A SWEET POEM It means that... You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. OR... You're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word. 4. DINNER/DANCING It means that... You enjoy the company of that special someone and the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight. OR... You're easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns around the dance floor. 5. WAFFLE IRON It means that... You're a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use. OR... You have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant fetish involving kitchen appliances.
Q: Why do Soviet soldiers always miss? A: They have terrible Marxmanship.
Why does a blonde put perfume on her ankles? Because it ends up behind her ears anyway!
Yo mama so ugly when she tried to flirt her face went inside out.
There was a crooked woman, who ran a crooked mile. She found a crooked Weiner, who always made her smile. She belongs in prison, for she is just a crook. And if you don't believe me, you can read it in her book.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a picture of herself in her room? A: So she could use it as a mirror.