What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out. The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him. The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid. "Is this really your grandmother?" "Yes. She visits every Christmas!" "Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists. "At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.
Q: Where do cowboys cook their meals? A: On the range.
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight!
Listening to censored hip-hop is like going to a whore for a hug.
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Q: What does the BFI on the dumpsters stand for? A: Black Family Inside.
What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove? About a half an hour...