Doctor: "Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age."
Husband: "Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?"
Yo' Mama is so nasty, when her dog farts, she takes the credit.
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A: Kids don't eat broccoli.
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Bill Gates lives in fear Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
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A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde.
"It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."
Chuck Norris is a fact.
Vote:
How many civil servants does it take to set fire to Guy Fawkes on November 5th?
Twenty, One to strike the match and nineteen to fill in the paper work.
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
Rambo is simply Chuck Norris disguised as Sylvester Stalone playing tag.
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Q: Why do women wear black underwear?
A: They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.