What do Gary Glitter and Napalm have in common? Both can strip the clothes off a small Vietnamese child in under two seconds.
Q: What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? A: Well hung.
Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
What kind of bees make milk? Boo-Bees!
A gypsy man buys land next to the house of a doctor. He hires an engineer and then gets him build an identical house. When he finished the house, the gypsy man comes to the balcony and shouts the doctor. "Doctor – Doctor!" "What is you gypsy eh?" The doctor says. "Well, maybe you don’t like me but we are the same because we have the same house!" "No way, the doctor says, because we do not have the same furniture..." the gypsy man angry as he is, oders the same furniture and he comes to the balcony again. "Doctor – Doctor! We have the same house, the same furniture, we are the same ourselves!" "What are you saying you stupid gypsy do we have the same car?" the doctor says. and shows at his luxurious MERCEDES in the garage. Angrier the gypsy man gets loans and buy an identical MERCEDES and goes back to the balcony. "Doctor – Doctor!" "What do you want again eh?" doctor says "I am “better” than you!" "Why is that eh?" doctor says. "We own the same house, furniture and same car, right?" The gypsy says. "I agree, but do these make you better than me?" the doctor says. "Because I have a neighbor doctor, and you have a neighbor Gypsy!Ha!"
In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back." Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex." Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?" In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."
On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll? He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.
Gods walking around heaven taking a stroll and sees a little black baby all sad and depressed sitting on a curb, God asks him whats wrong the black boy says i wanna be a angel, so God snaps his fingers and the boy gets wings he is all excited, and he says am i an angel? God says NO NIGGA YOU A BAT!
How do you make a snooker table laugh. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.