People say that time heals all wounds. They obviously never got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris
Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said, "First Question was which tire was flat?"
One of the two adult female friends got married and went on honeymoon to Hawaii. On return curious other girl asked her friend, “What sightseeing places did you go in Hawaii and what did you see?” The honeymoon girl explained, “For seven days, I saw only the fan on the ceiling of the room and occasionally when turned around, I saw the bed sheet too.”
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle? A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
Q: What is the difference between a teenager on her rag and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Yo mama so ugly, she's the reason Mario jumps high.
How many animals can you get into a pair of tights? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.
Your Mother is so fat, her water heater needs a nuclear reactor.
Yo' mama so stupid, she thought the Blizzard of '96 was a new item at Dairy Queen!