Chuck Norris hates both the player and the game.
At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon" answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks. "Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"
What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.
Chuck Norris isn't appropriate... appropriate isn't Chuck Norris.
A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”
Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant? A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
Q: Why do blondes need see through lunch boxes A: So they can tell if they're coming home or going to work.
Chuck Norris can hear his phone ring on silent.
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote? One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.