There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up.
He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum.
Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?"
To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips."
Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?"
"No, but it stops me from licking them!"
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
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The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
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Q: Why do horny women order at Subway?
A: Footlongs.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it.
So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep.
The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!"
And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?"
William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep.
This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again.
Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
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Chuck Norris went sky diving 50 times.
He used a parachute twice.
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Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone?
Answer: No!
Response: Wanna go to a party?
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Q: What is a ghosts favorite snack?
A: Boo berries
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