My wife constantly complains that I never listen to her… Or something like that.
There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up.
He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum.
Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?"
To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips."
Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?"
"No, but it stops me from licking them!"
"There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works."
Q: What is a ghosts favorite snack?
A: Boo berries
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Yo mama is so fat it took her three whole months to get through a door.
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.
Is your name winter? Because you'll be coming soon.
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Q: Why do horny women order at Subway?
A: Footlongs.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
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