Chuck Norris can access the internet from a walkie talkie.
When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents.
I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.
Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once.
These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.
Finally they came up with a foolproof plan.
(emphasis on fool)
They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the
mating call of a cow moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.
They called again, the bull answered closer to them.
They called again, The bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.
As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him"!
After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts -
"THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"
The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass,
but you better start to "brace yourself!"
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter.
To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
Chuck Norris was an only child.
Eventually.
What kind of money do polar bears use?
Ice lolly.
Q: Why do blondes need see through lunch boxes
A: So they can tell if they're coming home or going to work.
Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.
Don't type "Chuck Norris" on Monster Milktruck, your milk will turn into beer.