Little Johnny asks his mum, "Mum, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time in a faraway land'?"
"No darling," says his mother, somewhat distressed, "Sometimes, they can begin with 'I've got too much work in the office tonight, I'll come home later'."
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Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
A: Kitty-hawk
At the New York Zoo, a little boy felt the urge to feed his banana to a big gorilla there.
His mother didn’t allow it.
The boy started to cry, and made his mother to change her mind.
Proudly, the boy goes near the gorilla with the banana and as he was about to give it away, the gorilla grabbed him and was prepared to eat him.
Crying and shouting, the boy tries to escape, but even his mother stood still in the sight of it.
Suddenly, something sounded like a hum up in the air... It was Superman!
Superman rescued the child!
The crowd relieved applauses.
The Media arrived at that point, and the reporters started interviewing Superman.
"Which newspaper are you from?" Superman asked to one of them.
"New York Times."
"You can ask me now." Superman said.
"Were you scared while saving the kid?"
"Yes, but it doesn’t matter to me. I want to help other human beings, no matter the cost."
To the next reporter: "Which newspaper are you from?
"Herald Tribute. Which are your beliefs about children?"
"I believe that children are the future of our world and that we should, all of us protect them from evil."
The third reporter: "Which newspaper are you from?"
"Risebroker"
(Rizospastis, a Greek newspaper)
"To you, you damned communist, I’m not saying a word!"
Next Day, Newspapers write in their FrontPage:
New York Times – Superman, the abnegation and human sacrifice standard!
Herald Tribute – Superman, the defender and children Savior!
Risebroker – Superman, Propagandist, right winged fascist, deprives food from South-African immigrant!
Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert.
After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, John woke up his friend.
"Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asked John.
Jack thought for a minute and said.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
After a moment of silence, John spoke.
"It tells two things to me. First is that... you are an idiot."
Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said.
"Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop?
A: To let the lumber jack off.
Chuck Norris roundhoused some wannabe cop named Agent Sasevel so hard that it rearranged the letters of his name to Steven Seagal.
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I don't understand why everyone hates black people so much.
Black people are great!
Everyone should own one!
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You know "The Matrix" that was Chuck Norris' very first dream.
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What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.