An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger. First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!" Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
Yo mamma's so stupid she got trapped in a bathroom and wet her pants!
Two blondes are nailing in roof tiles. One of them is pulling nails from his jar and if they face him, he throws them away. The other blonde asks what he's doing. "Duh. I'm throwing away the defective ones." "No, stupid! Those are for the other side of the roof."
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she poured a bowl of Cheerios and said, "Look, my alphabet soup spells 'Ooooo.'"
Your moma is so ugly...she could make medicine sick!
Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
Chuck Norris made the universe... out of his snot and left kidney.
Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"