Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps?
A: He blew a hole in the toilet.
Vote:
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
Little Johnny asks his mum, "Mum, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time in a faraway land'?"
"No darling," says his mother, somewhat distressed, "Sometimes, they can begin with 'I've got too much work in the office tonight, I'll come home later'."
Vote:
Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
A: Kitty-hawk
Yo mamma so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass.
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey.
It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away.
So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit.
It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise.
On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock.
One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!"
The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?"
The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?"
The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!
Yo Momma's so fat that when she sits on the beach, whales swim up to her and sing "We are family…!"
"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher.
"What did you make of the new English teacher?"
"Burgers, ma'am."
Teller: "Why did the blonde move to L.A.?"
Blonde: "I don't know. Why?"
Teller: "It was easier to spell."
Blonde: "Easier than what?"