It was very hot, and this guy runs to a nearby store to buy a hand fan. There were two similar fans in make and model but one was 25 cents and the other was 50 cents. The guy opted for the cheaper one thinking that they work the same way. Before he left the store, the owner tried to impress on the buyer on how each works, but the buyer was not interested - a fan is a fan is a fan, and he knows how to work it. The 25 cent fan broke. He came back yelling and screaming that the fan was no good. The owner explained that he should have got the operating instructions: "With the 50 cent fan, you move your wrist left and right to get the air flowing. With the 25 cent fan which works differently, you hold the fan steady in your wrist and move your head left to right to get the air flowing."
What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around? Dead Siri-ous.
What do you get if you cross a Kindle with an Apple iPhone 4S? 4Skin.
What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday? He ate himself.
The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
Girl: "Why did the king go to the dentist?" Boy: "I don't know, Why?" Girl: "To get a new crown!"
Yo Mama's so fat, she makes Johana Hill look superbad at gaining weight.
Camilla goes to the doctors and says "Doctor, whenever one sucks Charlie's cock one gets a stomach ache." The doctor says "Have you tried Andrew's?"
Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter.
You know who's mad at Kobe? Every other player in the NBA. You know why? Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring. Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum. Cause you know how women are, man. Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"