Best jokes ever

The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. A creative fellow, he went out and collected from his buddies all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following: "Dear Mary, I can not remember which one is you ... please keep YOUR photo and return the others!"
Vote:
has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
Vote:
has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: sex
A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life, has stayed in for 25 years. While trying to find a place to hide, he enters a newlywed’s house, ties the man in a chair in a corner of the room and ties the woman in the bed. He climbs on the bed, on top of the woman and appears to be kissing her neck. Then he gets up and leaves the room. Immediately the husband drags his chair up to the bed and whispers to his wife: "My love, this man hasn’t seen a woman for many years. I saw him kissing your neck and rushing out. Just play nice with him and do as he asks you to. If he wants to have sex with you just agree and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, don’t go against his will and upset him. Both our lives are at your hands right now, be strong and remember that I love you." As soon as the half naked woman recovers from the shock of what she just heard, she says: "Honey, I feel very relieved that you see it this way. You are right, this man has not seen a woman for years but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering to me. He said that he finds you very cute and asked me if we have Vaseline in the bathroom! Be strong and remember that I love you too!"
Vote:
has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, prison, time
In a small cathedral a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the minister. The minister asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and the Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done just give her 10 Hail Mary's and I'll be right back." Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected the Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession. "Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable. I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex." Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation. Surely 10 Hail Mary's would not do. So, in a moment of desperation the janitor peered his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the minister give for oral sex?" In reply the altar boy said, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."
Vote:
has 60.63 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: gay
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
Vote:
has 60.63 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: sex, women
Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet. She is funny, s*xy and flirty. Now she tells me she is an undercover cop. How cool is that at her age!
Vote:
has 60.60 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt
Why is there no gambling in Africa? -Too many Cheetahs!
Vote:
has 60.60 % from 264 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said: '' holy f*ck we can't fix that.''
Vote:
has 60.57 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Harry is very quick with the ladies, before they can tell him they’re not that sort of girl, it’s usually too late.
Vote:
has 60.57 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: sex
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
Vote:
has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: dirty, men
<<<745746747748
More jokes →
Page 745 of 1391.