Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.
Vote:
Yo mama so dumb she used old spice body wash to cook.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor.
Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more.
Well take these pills every day and come back in a week.
Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well!
Oh very well , now about your hearing...
Vote:
Dad shouts ..."STOP WATCHIN P*RN....I CAN HEAR IT IN MY ROOM!"
Son: Dad...I am NOT watching p*rn... That is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!
Q: What do you call a fire at the Internet cafe?
A: An e-mergency.
Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive?
A: OxFord.
Q: Why don't fat people were turtlenecks?
A: Because turtles are now endangered.
How do you know when a crab is drunk?
It walks forwards.
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "What was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"