Best jokes ever

While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves. “Daddy, were you in a war?” “Yes,” I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be. Wide-eyed, she gasped, “Against what planet?”
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has 55.88 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, military
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man. When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!" The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
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has 55.88 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: age, church, marriage, time
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
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has 55.87 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, sex
Q: How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan? ´ A: They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: easter, sport
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, fish
Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you.
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
Do you like maths? If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
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has 55.86 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: flirt, geek, math, sex
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall." The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"
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has 55.86 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: fart, kids, little Johnny, school, teacher
Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they live in schools.
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has 55.86 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: animal
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