What kind of cows do you find in Alaska?
Eski-moos.
Where do cows like to ride on trains?
In the cow-boose.
Chuck Norris once climbed the empire state building and roundhouse kicked the human spider off the top.
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How do you know when a crab is drunk?
It walks forwards.
30 degrees...
It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance
she leaned over and pushed me.
Herm is 85 years old and retired.
He gets a checkup with his physician.
A week or so afteward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with his arm around a beautiful, comely young female.
The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?”
Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful."
The physician exclaims, “Herm, that's not what I told you!
I said, ‘Your heart's got a murmur.
Be careful.’”
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A man fell out of a tenth-story window.
He's lying on the ground with a big crowd around him.
A cop walks over and says, "What happened?"
The guy says, "I don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris does not sleep.
He waits.
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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
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