Best jokes ever

One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos" So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos" Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said "Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
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has 55.87 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, sex
Yo mommas so black that when she walked outside the street lights turned on.
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has 55.87 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: black people, insulting, Yo mama
Chicken to turkey: "Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bird, Christmas, death, food, Thanksgiving
Q: Do you know the most favourite play of gays? A: Romeo and Julius.
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: game, gay
Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you.
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, fish
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? A: He thought he saw a job.
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has 55.87 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bible, christian, work
Little Johnny was at school one day when the teacher asked the kids if they could use the word definitely in a sentence. Well the first little girl raised her hand and said, "Well the trees are definitely green." The teacher said "No not really because the trees turn yellow red and brown in the fall." The next little boy raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher said, "No not really because the sky can be all different colors." From the back of the room little Johnny raised his hand and asked, "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher said, "No Johnny of course not, that’s silly." Then Johnny said, "Well then I definitely shit my pants!"
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has 55.86 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: fart, kids, little Johnny, school, teacher
General Peter Pollock, the Navy Chief was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. General Pollock arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and Pollock asks: "So how are your men Marshall?" "Very well trained, Peter." "I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country." "Well, my men are very brave, too." "I'd like to see that." So Marshall calls an under-trainee and says: "James! I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!" "Are you crazy? It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As James ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered Pollock and said: "You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."
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has 55.78 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: atheist, men, military, navy
Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
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has 55.78 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: sex, time, viagra
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