Best jokes ever

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? From crawling across the street when the sign said, "DON'T WALK."
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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Yo Momma's so fat that when she sits on the beach, whales swim up to her and sing "We are family…!"
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Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
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Freds voice is high because Chuck Norris kicked him in the nuts.
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Chuck Norris once shaved his beard. People now call it Bigfoot.
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Q: What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet tall? A: A tax accountant riding an elephant.
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Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, “I’ve got to take a crap.” The other said, “Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap.” The first one said, “But I don’t have any paper to wipe my ass.” The other blonde replied, “You have a dollar, don’t you?” The first one said, “Yeah, I’ve got a dollar. That’s a great idea– I’ll use that!” He left and came back with crap all over his hands and clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, “What in the hell happened to you?” The first one replied, “Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?”
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Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.
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Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes? A. Goes-in-tight!
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