Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert.
After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep.
Some hours later, John woke up his friend.
"Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asked John.
Jack thought for a minute and said.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
After a moment of silence, John spoke.
"It tells two things to me. First is that... you are an idiot."
Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said.
"Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.
Little Johnny asks his mum, "Mum, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time in a faraway land'?"
"No darling," says his mother, somewhat distressed, "Sometimes, they can begin with 'I've got too much work in the office tonight, I'll come home later'."
Vote:
Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane?
A: Kitty-hawk
What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
In space Chuck Norris can hear your screams.
Vote:
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?"
Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour."
Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
Water can't breath under Chuck Norris.
Vote:
No chicken dies a virgin.
They get laid at birth *slaps knee*.
You know "The Matrix" that was Chuck Norris' very first dream.
Vote:
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.