The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex.
His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year, maybe on your anniversary."
The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?"
His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.
Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."
George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."
Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
Vote:
Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died?
A: Sex is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can put M&M's in alphabetical order.
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Chuck Norris can't be in a 3D movie because the entire room would feel his roundhouse kicks.
Vote:
Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other?
A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
Vote:
Two men were talking:
First : "Can U put the word 'penis' in a sentence?"
Second: "Yo mama's pussy."
Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies?
A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He has to eat his way out.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He goes back for more.
Vote:
How many civil servants does it take to set fire to Guy Fawkes on November 5th?
Twenty, One to strike the match and nineteen to fill in the paper work.