Viagra is like Disneyland; a one hour wait for a 2-minute ride.
Do you know why the Earth's spinning ? Because Chuck Norris is running on it.
Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
She’s like train tracks – she’s been laid across the country.
A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband. It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me." He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."
Chuck Norris can pop scissors with a balloon.
Little Johnny walked into the house covered in filth. His mom asked, "Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?" Johnny replied, " I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are."
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags and asks her where she's going. "To Las Vegas. I found out there are men who will pay me $400 to do what I do to you for free." The man started packing his bags. "Where are you going?" she asked. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you. I want to see how you'll live on $800 a year."
Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke? A: Your mom can't take a joke.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.