Chuck Norris can in fact eat water.
Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: All of them cause they will never see the light.
What do you get if you cross an iPhone and a fridge? Cool music.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top. The firemen are yelling to the redhead to jump into a blanket and she jumps off the building and right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she dies. They yell to the brunette to jump but she says,"No I saw what you did to the redhead"! They shout we don't like redheads! So the brunette jumps and sure enough they move the blanket and she dies. Then they shout to the blonde to jump off into the blanket. But the blonde says,"no I saw what you did to them"! They shout we don't like them! The blonde then says, "I don't trust you guys, put the blanket on the ground and step back!"
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
I remember my guidance counselor. The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."
Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.
Q: What do you call a car only British animals can drive? A: OxFord.