I have enough money to last me the rest of my life.
Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason
I wouldn’t say that inflation is making my life difficult, but I’m now starving on an income I used to dream about.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Vote:
A man wakes up after spending 20 years in a coma.
One of the first things he does is ring his stockbroker.
‘Your assets have increased considerably,’ says the stockbroker.
‘The £20,000 you had invested with us is now worth £20 million.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ says the man.
Just then the phone starts bleeping and a recorded voice interrupts, ‘To continue this conversation please insert another £500,000.’
Yo momma’s so ugly, if she was a scarecrow, the corn would run away.
Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow.
A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
If a lawyer and a tax official were both drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do; go to lunch or read the paper?
I married my wife for her money.
And believe me, I’ve earned it.
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honour.