Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?" Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."
Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
Mike: "Hey Joe. My girl friend always gets offended whenever I tell her jokes about bald people." Joe: "Is your girl friend bald?" Mike: "No. She"s a blonde."
If you type Chuck Norris into Microsoft Word, the little paper-clip just hangs himself.
What do you call an ugly rabbit that sits on someone's forehead? Unsightly facial hare.
What do you call a poodle with no legs? A sponge.
Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late? Filet delay.
What does a man call true love? An erection.
If you had a gun and you were being chased by a bull and a mountain lion, which one would you shoot first? The mountain lion. You can always shoot the bull.