Chuck Norris was asked to star in Night of the Living Dead but filming was ended after the zombies were to afraid to be roundhouse kicked in the face.
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Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico.
They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them.
As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river.
One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light."
The other said: "What do you think I am, stupid!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"
Why is it called PMS? — Because “Mad Cow Disease” was already taken.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books.
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
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Your mama is so thin she stepped on a scale and a scale said no papers plz.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, her flyswatter doubles as a spatula.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, Red Lobster kicked her out for bringing her own crabs.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she was born, her mama called her a treasure, so her daddy offered to bury her.
Yo mama so stupid that when she turned on airplane mode...
She thought she could fly.
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Q: Why do more niggers get hit by cars in the winter?
A: They're easier to spot.