Mother: Come on Pete you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for the college. Peter: O mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too. Mother: Yes you do. Peter: Give me a good reason Mother: You're 52 and you are the Principal!
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.
What has 100 teeth and eats weiners? A zipper!
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100. So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?." The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers? A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
What did God say when he made the first niggers? Oops! Burnt another one!
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.