Mother: Come on Pete you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for the college.
Peter: O mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too.
Mother: Yes you do.
Peter: Give me a good reason
Mother: You're 52 and you are the Principal!
Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead.
I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Happy Valentine's Day.
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What has 100 teeth and eats weiners?
A zipper!
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vodka?."
The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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What did God say when he made the first niggers?
Oops! Burnt another one!
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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
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