Best jokes ever

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
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What does a Blonde say during a porno? There I am!
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Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide? He got himself into a real stew.
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More jokes about: black humor, death
Chuck Norris can finish a Super Mario game with just one arrow key.
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A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"
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Q:What did the bartender say after a book walked into the bar? A:"Please, no stories!"
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A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?" "Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
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Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
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Q: Why does California have so many destructive earthquakes and Alabama has black people? A: California got first pick.
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How are Justin Bieber and a Christmas tree similar? Both their balls are decoration only.
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More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, music