Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A:To stamp out fires.
Q:Why do elephants have flat feet?
A:To stamp out burning ducks
An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children.
The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.
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An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in a honeymoon suite.
All night long, the bellboy hears laughing and clapping sounds from their room.
The next morning, he asks the old man how he can do it all night at his age.
The husband replies, "First, I remove my clothes. Then, I lie down on the bed face up. Then, my wife removes her clothes and lifts up my penis with one hand, and we make a bet. If it falls to left when she lets go, I win; if it falls to right, she wins."
The bell boy asks, "Well, what if it doesn't fall?"
"Then we both win," says the old man.
Q: How do you know Noah was a White man?
A: No nigger could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!
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Despite popular belief, there is no such thing as a tornado.
Chuck Norris just doesn't like trailer parks.
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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Chuck Norris went to every planet in the galaxy.
That is why there is no life on any of them.
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A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him.
The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample."
The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."
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When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.
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