Best jokes ever

A couple has been married for many years, and one day the man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts. "But how am I going to get bigger breasts?" she asks. "That’s simple." he says, "Just rub your breasts with toilet paper every day." "And that would do it?" the surprised wife wonders. "Well," answers the husband, "it sure did work on your behind!"
Vote:
has 55.13 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Q: What's the best thing about a blowjob from an Ethiopian? A: You know they'll swallow.
Vote:
has 55.13 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: racist
Chuck Norris does not open doors. Tthe doors have the common courtesy to open for him
Vote:
has 55.13 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Little Johnny walked into the house covered in filth. His mom asked, "Johnny, why do you always get so dirty?" Johnny replied, " I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are."
Vote:
has 55.13 % from 142 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? Leonard: Why? Jacob: She had bright students!
Vote:
has 55.12 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: school
A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play a practical joke their best friend on his wedding night. "I'll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he's making love," says the carpenter. "I'll hot wire his mattress so they'll feel immense heat while making love," says the electrician. "Those are good ideas," says the dentist. "But my contribution's going to be a real surprise." The next day the new husband comes to the diner to meet his friends. He says "I congratulate you guys for making the bed heat up and collapse, but I'm gonna kill whichever one of you put novocaine in the massage oil!"
Vote:
has 55.12 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, wedding
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
Vote:
has 55.12 % from 154 votes. More jokes about: animal, little Johnny
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?" Husband: "Yeah... Why?" Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
Vote:
has 55.11 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: baby, fish, marriage, wife
A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle. The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so." That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
Vote:
has 55.11 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: animal, beauty, marriage
Q: Why did the mathbook kill himself? A: Because nobody understood him.
Vote:
has 55.11 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: death, math
<<<763764765766
More jokes →
Page 763 of 1425.